Home truths hit hard, truly, deeply...

They don't think I can do it. I need faith. Why would they want to believe I could do it. You know there is a chance of 1 that you will die, says M. So let me get this right. You are going to drink caffeine, revise, do an exam, drink caffeine, revise, not sleep, and do another exam. And not eat in June. I told R. that the chances of me doing it are slim (haha.. not funny) But I just really need to cling to the thought that I might be able to get somewhere, anywhere near my goal. Because I might. No I fear I will go insane if I don't. B. says I'll never do it. Ever. Never ever will I do it. I really want to do it. I will show them all. I will show them I can do this. Lord only knows I will want to kill myself if I break. They said I always change my plan every day, that M. should know that my now, this is me. I know that is true. I know. I know. The words strangle my heart and my dreams. I do not need to hear them. For this, I will show them. I can control my own puppet strings. And this puppet is not going to be eating any food. Either until she falls or until she is cut lose from her strings. Freedom. Free. Feathers will set her free.