Today is a family day out... I wonder how this will form. I have already eaten half the contents of the kitchen - it is like I have given up until I know I can do what I want without making everyone upset. Telling hasn't changed anything - I would still lie to them to make them think I had more on a day I was fasting. It's crap. I was so naive to think that it would be easy at home. I love my parents and that is why this is really really hard. I have to lose weight. I have to do it in Paris. I am clinging to this idea for hope. My birthday is on the 25th. That is not long away I know that I will never weigh what I want by then. I need some guidelines and rules and I need to get a grip...

THE RULES...

Amanda vows to eat minimally whilst at Rach's house. Amanda vows to not binge at train stations

Amanda vows to LOSE WEIGHT IN PARISSSSSSSSSSSS.

Amanda vows to only eat fruit in Paris when food is allowed.

Amanda vows to not break any of these rules and come back transformed before Durham and skinny girl with gaps between her legs, able to fit in the pippa jeans and smile and mean it.