After my 'normal' intake days, that terrible trio of consecutive days... I made the mistake of having a weigh in. I keep telling myself, it is not really there, It is not really there, It is not really there... but it is. And I think to myself, well, why is it that I CANNOT EVEN DO THIS?! What sort of person does that make me? I can't even lose weight when I want to enough as I want to. Not only am I too tired to focus and work, not only do I feel like a disintegrating building that is slowly crumbling to its demise, but I also cannot keep food thoughts from infecting my head. Yesterday I ate 900kcal. This morning I had breakfast -muesli, 2 apples and a pear (why 3 bits of fruit? Why?) so I am calling it 600kcal. And I want that to be it for today. Just maybe some random bit of fruit if it finds itsway to my door.
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Sore throat = couldn't force myself to be sick = blaghhhhhh = where is the control?
I think we all obsessively think about food here; it's just the name of the game. Sometimes its exhausting, and many nights the last thing I am thinking of before I drift off to sleep is my meal plan for the next day and the calorie count of it. Don't get yourself down about it; you'll get the control back. Stay strong!
ReplyDeletexo
hello, the fruit is OK, fruit is GOOD, don't worry, ok? i too am a crumbling building at the point at which it's just barely recognizable as a building anymore and soon will be a heaping mound of rubble and dust. but your comment yesterday was beautiful and made me happy. :D
ReplyDeletei love you and don't forget that ok?
LOVE the fishes who are lost in a dark and scary place