Monday, 9 November 2009

eyes closed

Oh word... so tired. So so so very very tired. Walked around in a total daze all day.
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Bumped into Vasanti in the corridor, talked a while with her and then carried on my daze,
Saw Sally for a hug
Got given my first summative topic. This means work starts now. No more mucking around in the evening not doing anything. It is going to be me, my warm den, a late clock time and some diet coke. I need to stop distracting myself so frequently.
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Second blurred slowely into hour and finally finally I was at the doctors at 3.30 - half an hour early because it makes no sense walking back to college. Dr Flanagan saw me 5 mins after I got there... she is one awesome little doctor (Actually, she is very very tall - but she is great).
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I go in, she looks at me... differently. I cannot describe how, just noticeably differently. She asks how I am, I answer, she tells me my calcium is low and the effects of this. Asks me if I have any dairy products. I do actually have cereal basically every day, so I don't understand where this sudden drop has come from when I am drinking more. She says she should weigh me today, is that ok... I say yes. 51kg... she sits me back down. I try NOT to smile that I know that is 2kg less, that it is 112lbs, 8stone. Finally! She tells me I have lost a couple of kg... I say.. oh no in an unemotive voice. She called me thin. She has never said that before. I cant see any difference. She says, 51kg that in stone is basically... thin. Yes 8 stone. I thought you were looking particuarly thin. I cannot see a difference. But that was a word that I hadn't heard in a while. It echoes around the room, bouncing off walls and reflecting of any glass object. Thin. Just not thin enough. I ask if I can have calcium tablets, she says a litre of milk might be better for me, but that we had to start somewhere. Is the fluoxetine supressing me appetite? I wish. No. No it is not. I have to reassure her 3 or 4 times that this is true.
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Interesting day. So much work. So tired.

2 comments:

  1. I hope your okay, I wish I could be called thin, you've worked hard, you deserve it :) stay strong x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your last posts are simply incredible.
    I am speechless.

    See, you just had to wait to see bits of light. Thin.
    You are getting there.

    I love you!

    ReplyDelete

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