Errrrm.... it would appear this is getting more serious. I ate breakfast. Fine. Breakfast isn't against the rules. I lasted until 5pm. Then I chew and spat then ate and ate a bag of fudge... GET THIS: For a PRESENT to go with a purse I bought my friend. I ate her present. Then I was sick. But it wouldn't come up. I imagine only 1 square did... so that is basically 550kcal and LOTS of fat... then I shouldnt have gone to dinner. But I did. And I ate it all and whilst eating thought ab out being sick and how that was going to be gross. I grew agitated when my friends kept chatting and chatting. Then Rach said, off so soon? I don't think so. Anyhow they left and I came upstairs. And barely enough time to lock the door and turn the music up... I had only taken off my cardigan when they walked in the room and sat. and sat. and sat. and didn't leave. Do you find after an hour it is IMPOSSIBLE to get back up again? Well I tried and it didn't work and it made my throat SORE and swollen. So I have eaten 2000kcal around about now when I wass planning on 400kcal. Breakfast tomorrow. Eat anything else and die. This is my control. I control I go to breakfast and then that it is. Or be sick. But that doesnt work. Then I get angry. So breakfast and zip mouth shut, do not even consider food again. The thing is I know you can do this... because I am being swallowed by the control. I am not in control of the control. If I eat by mistake the angry ball of food in my stomach pushes and pushes and it makes itself heard.
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Guys, I can do this. I am slipping back into Anorexia and I didn't chose it even.
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Anise: I am so excited!!! I will have to book days off work, so as soon as you know let me!! When is it exactly? x