I am so totally sorry for being really lame - It is talking a while to get used to everything, hopefully when next week comes around and lessons start I will get into a routine and then I will not be without my little lovelies.
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I am finding it hard here. We haven't started work, but I feel sad. And I am not totally sure why. It is just there. A numb hum of sad. I feel like I am in the way and lonely... last year I knew most of the russian students in the year well, and about 10 well enough that we would chat in coffee shops or go watch films out of lectures. I knew lots of french students, and did the same sorts of things with them.... now I half know about a dozen people in the entire department. I know the lecturers better than the students and I feel lonely. And the girls I know from college are all lovely and smiley and friendly... but when I talk to them I feel like they are babysitting me and don't really want me there. I am so lucky to have Rach Y. I love her to bits... but I am no comparison to Claire because I know nothing about music so it must be tough for her having no one to talk to it about. And then there is the food. I dont want to upset rach so I am going to meals, I havent binged yet, and I think I am 116lbs. Aiming for breakfast and scone and apple tomorrow and hot meal to please rach on Sunday... Hoping this half diet will work for weight loss... but the past 2 days have been 2000 days and that is NOT making me feel good. And the work is hard, like it should be for final year, but I feel overwhelmed.
Sorry.... I LOVE YOU ALL... Had to get this out. I should read your blogs but I am tired and SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON. Im sorry I will I WILL read them tomorrow x x x
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hi! did i mention i LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE AWESOME! i am sad about your numb hum of sad. the beginning of a semester is always sad for me too, what with people who haven't returned and new people and you feel out of place, but you will warm up to everyone, you will meet new people who maybe won't even know about your ED and will treat you normally, and you will find your place again. don't worry! by the end of the semester you will fit right in. the work will get easier (manageable) as you get back into the rhythm of things. take everyone one tiny step at a time and do NOT under any circumstances look at the whole picture. ok? ok?? one test, one paper, one set of vocab words at a time please.
ReplyDeleteanyway i hope you are settling in ok! i'm sorry i haven't commented, my general life situation has gotten really confusing and i'm finding it hard to comment on blogs these days! i just posted a really long post you can read if you have like 3 hours to spare and want to know all about it. if not, don't worry! it's more important for you to be present and dealing with things in your immediate, physical world than to be virtually talking to people you've never met! i will always be here for you and i love you and vice versa, i know, don't worry, take your time, little bunny! it's really all right.
LOVE the fishes who are curling their hairs and grooming their fins and getting all dolled up in the hopes of making this an awesome and beautiful day on the outside, it will be on the inside too. :D