Oh god, something went wrong with food today. Something so so so so so so sooo SO seriously wrong, that only a fast will fix it. Sophie is away until Sat eve or Sunday. I am going to do a little fast. Now I have only managed 2.5 days. Now I really have to read a lot so if I don't leave the house, I really don't care. I am now feeling too fat to even consider reading. So I will have to not leave the house tomorrow. Maybe cans of diet coke shall be purchased this afternoon. .
SO the disaster spelled out in full. Prepare to be disgusted. Seat belts on.
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4 apples 360kcal
2 peaches 160
1 nectarine 80
1 banana 110
half a bag of lettuce 20kcal
a 250g pot of couscous with carrot 400kcal?
a mini roll, and a full baguette... 1200kcal... ... ...?
goats cheese. A lot of goat's cheese. 360kcal
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2690 FUCKING FAT MASSIVE CALORIES in my FAT STUPID STOMACH. Getting ready to add themselves to my FAT LEGS...
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Can't buy laxatives here because it isn't like Boots and I MISS BOOTS!! Cant be sick because it was bread at the end - and do you guys have that problem, bread sticks? I know... gross... but true - right?
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I have worked out what it is I want to do:
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Live in Durham, work at Uni, have a dog, have a house, decorate it AMAZING. Be skinny.
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- Which means I need to save money (instead of spending it on food)
- Which means I need to eat less (instead of eating food constantly)
- Which means I need to work hard (instead of eating food constantly)
- Which means FOOD IS GOING TO GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE.
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By now you will see that I go around in circles all the time. Please someone help me break it. I am losing my mind. I need to do this fast. I need to be skinny. I have all my goal weights and everything in sight yet I am a fat failure who always follows her tail.
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Love from the depressed fishes (that one is a metaphor!)
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18:13. I dont really want to write this down but writing it down will show how pathetic I am being. I ate. Again. I can't stop. I had icecream, flan and 16BICS. This has turned into a properly bulimic binge. But I dont want to be sick. I want to learn a lesson - that I cant take the easy way out. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME.
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Guys, I love you allll.... does anyone want to join the fast with me? I am properly fat and weak willed at the moment.
Ooh, hun! Wish you'd feel better.
ReplyDeleteI can fast next week, but not before that unfortunately. I could join you on monday if you'd like me to. I mean I can try at least. I'm going to moms for the weekend, can't fast while I'm there...
Love & strenght
xxx
I'll do it with ya, Sexy! I really hope you feel better soooooon! And! It was all on healthy foods. I know that doesn't make YOU feel any better, but, in my sick twisted mind, it's justified. AND it can fuel your fast.
ReplyDeleteLove&Please-be-OKs from bella and her worried little fish