Morning Light and update

Gemma Ward is really my inspiration at the moment - can't remember if I have used this picture before, but decided that it didn't really matter eitherway... those are the legs I dream of.

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Thanks for the sweet posts from yesterday :-) Made me smile. And I finally slept a whole night through until 9.30 this morning and I feel so much better. Soooo much better. Full of energy and without eyes that are automatically going against my will to keep them open. So this morning I am going to the library for opening, going to find a decent place to sit instead of the floor like yesterday, and stay there for a fairly long time. And take a light stroll in the evening. Just drinking water today and no food. This is day one of the 4 day fast, afterall!

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Thanks guys, don't know what I would do without you, honestly. Just reading others is so supportive, and comments are so kind. x

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20:43

Today I spent 8 hours in the library. I didn't get through half the books on Duras that were relevant... I guess that is what happens when you attmept to work in a library in the centre of Paris! But. I ate. This doesn't shock me at the moment. I am not going to even try and fast or I am going to get so totally depressed it will be unreal. Wait for Mum to leave and then start again. I think I had too many fat binge occurences I need to have a bit of slowly lowering calories and then fasting again. Because otherwise this is ridiculous. I will be dissapointed with myself every second of every day if I put that goal on me now. I should be stronger. But I am not. Still, on a plus, despite BAGUETTE being the major amount of calories the overall day was lower. wholegrain baguette, peach, apple, banana... I am calling it 1200 MAX. So it could be worse. It is better than the 2600days, so it is a start.

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Tomorrow I am walking to meet Ali and that should take about an hour to get there, maybe a bit longer. Then we are walking around and then I am walking home. So if I can keep it to 1000kcal tomorrow that would be a bit better again. That is a more realistic aim for my current state of mind. OH GOD. To be thin. To be happy.. Maybe I am just not destined for it.