Oh dear... the weigh in

So I weighed myself this morning... 54kg... I put on a kilogram... I deserved it. I am not going to put on another kilo oh no... next weigh day is tuesday... I am hoping for 53kg again by then.

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Something odd is going on with my body. I always take ages to heal, I understand why... but I am currently covered in little infected scratchs. Everytime I have a scrath. It may not bleed. It gets infected. I have one on my left arm which has been there for a month now. I thought it was finally healing... I wake up this morning and it is more infected than ever before and my arm is somewhat swollen... IM NOT EVEN THIN YET SO THIS ISN'T FAIR!

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15.26

The Update..

Well I am not going out anymore today. Bought an apple and a small banana this morning and walked 40mins to get to les galeries lafayette. Man I was dizzy. How weird is that? I went to find the toilets up some stairs and had to sit down my eyes were so yellow and my head was pounding. My arm is mammoth. I had to wear a cardi in the 34 degree heat to cover its swollen ugliness...

Met Aly, walked up and down arcades, up to Montmartre, and down to home again - so walked non stop basically bar half an hour sittiing. She wanted to share bread. It was the devil bread I cant say no to from Chez Jean... but I had 2/3 of it... I swear she gave me more than half. So I am saying 600kcal thou hopefully it was more 500. Then later she bought a box of smoothies frozen, cheaper than buying 1 icecream from a stand... Mad. So I had... 3 . 3 DAMN MINI SMOOTHIS... 189kcal for that...

But with a bit of luck i'm in my 100kcal limit... 969kcal. SCORE. OK.

I dont think I can eat tomorrow or Monday if I wanted to even because I now have 5 centimes and there is nothing you an get for that.

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So hopefully I will live off water because I cant even buy diet coke - which means detox may hit in soon... until Tuesday.

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I feel so sad. I don't know why I mean, I am on antidepressants so I know technically I am depressed but I never believed it. But I am so sad. I feel like there is a shadow over me and I thought I had managed to get it to go away. But it crept back in... as soon as the excitement of being somewhere new faded... Oh well... Thin is my only chance. Why wont I let myself be happy?