Oh dear... oh dear oh dear oh dear. It was not a binge. But it was food. I was doing ok and then around 2 o'clock (bearing in mind I am only writing this at 3.30) I went dizzy, my fingernails were purple. Usually I dont mind this if I can sit down at home - but alas I had wandered into the outside world and it was... oh yes, raining. I went into Monop' and contemplated Pasta. the mind resisted and bought diet coke and lime (MUCH nicer that it may sound. Actually REALLY DAMN YUM) and left... half an hour later and I was stuggling to keep the food thoughts at bay... And I did my usual thing of why not 500kcal? Most anorexics aim for 500kcal. (YES, BUT MOST ANOREXICS MANAGE TO STICK AT IT AND NOT BINGE. THIS IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ANOREXIA AND BULIMIA. and frankly I am SICK to DEATH of having the LATTER. What I wouldn't give for food poisoning or SOMETHING to snap back in my brain to make it start out afresh like before) So... at another Monop' down town I told myself 500kcal Mand. No more. And I did good. Real good. I got light noodles and chicken at 320kcal, a yogurt at 60kcal and a carrot and coriander soup at 130. So only 10kcals over, and I could deal with that. I mean, thats what the pros do, isn't it. OH YES, BUT I'M LAME... I forgot that part. False hope and what not. So I wander around... the willpower has been weakened... I go into Franprix and buy an apple... 100kcal... 610kcal in total... and then... wander around the marais and get drawn like a magnet... NO like a binger to a bakery, to a bakery... where I buy the small almond roll. Now it has almonds. Those yum chunks of fat. So despite its smallness and the fact an entire baguette can equal 600kcal I would give it 350kcal to 400kcal... going with harshness and safety for the latter number. .
So this now makes around 1000kcal... and I fear for what this afternoon may bring. Either I need to fast, or I need to stick to 500kcal a day. I really need to stick to the fast. I mean, seriously. Why can I not do this?
your last comment to me made me smile and laugh and all that! i have actually been blogger-stalking you for a few weeks before starting a blog (ahem, having the courage to, ahem), and besides loving the way you write and being horribly jealous of ALL of the languages you are learning, i too also noticed the similarities in our terrible baguette habits...eeeeee! vile little irresistible pieces of shit! it's weird to think they are made out of the embryos of wheat plants. i wish i found this gross and that it deterred me, but alas. it is barely 8AM here and i am already salivating over your almond roll which sounds amazing and horrific.
ReplyDeletei try to manage the baguette issue by devoting one day to one giant baguette and feeling like shit enough that i don't do it again for a few weeks. that seems to work here but of course i do not have horrible yummy bakeries on every corner. i am impressed that you are surviving there as well as you are!!
eat cucumbers! always! chomp chomp squish! (squish being the middle part with the seeds that is THE BEST.)
Following from what Anise above said: You ALWAYS make me smile...
ReplyDeleteBut I can't actually help you with the fast thing. Because (blush spreads across cheeks - a horrible sticky red) well, yesterday was the third day of massive eating (upwards of one thousand, yesterday, nearly two!). So I was going to ask YOU how you coped with a calorie limit, while you were at school.
Actually, it's not school which is my problem. it's 5PM!
And, if you're feeling dizzy, the last thing you want is to faint in public, right? Unless... unless you faint into the arms of a dazzlingly handsome French or Italian man, and fall in love, in that tiny instant. Yes, that would make it all worthwhile.
love, the obese fishes who've got bruised minds from thinking about European men too often. You know what I love about the french men (cough: in movies)? Their noses!