This morning was going really well... was.Then I ate 500g of nut cereal. 2500kcal after the bagel 400kcal...
Then I tried to be sick
Then I would only gag
Then NOTHING would work
So then I cried
So then I cut
And then I cried
And then I cried
And now my tummy is full. How can I eat that much?
I want to eat all the food and juice fast. BUT THAT IS DUMB. I would be better just eating the bagel a day and be done with it.
I just want to juice fast again.
Why am I such a retard. Yes I am. I am. No, I am. Really.
It seems I am no longer cut out for being sick. Well, if I eat 2 bagels tomorrow and then 1 on friday I could just fast for the last 7 days with juice. I can only juice fast. I am too retarded to have to consider solid food. I am not made for solid food, because I can no longer bring it back up again. my heart was beating so damn fast but nothing would happen. Bum.
.
This is going to seem ridiculous... but I am doing it so pretty please dont convince me out!!
I just ate bagel number two... YES... I know. WHY? I dont know. But the other 2 are sealed in a different section so keep til october. the rice cakes are unopened. Then that leaves 2 juices, milk and puree juice and cheese and rocket. I can leave the cheese and rocket alone - and the other stuff will keep for ages so can always be fed to my brother or cousin when she comes... SO FROM TOMORROW = LIQUID FAST - SAME RULES AS BEFORE.
.
If that is the only way I can do it, so be it.
Wow, this resembles my day so well it's almost uncanny.
ReplyDeleteThis morning I was going really well.
Then tonight I made a batch of biscuit dough and ate the entire bowl. Raw. NOT counting.
Then I was sick.
So then I cried. And I cried.
And now I am sure that there is still food in my tummy. It is still full and there is still food and it is converting itself into fat molecules as we speak. In fact, I'm already bigger and I just want to tear this body off myself. Why is there so much of me?? At least all you girls are little and petite, I am a lumbering giant!
I agree that juice fast is the way to go, food is dangerous and hard and scary. I don't even enjoy it anymore, I only eat it because my hand likes visiting my mouth so much. Stupid hand. Stupid mouth. Stupid food. Bum.
ps- your nails are very pretty and you make me want to paint mine
ReplyDeletepps- my fishes wish they could talk to you for real too
I have to eat next week. Growl.
ReplyDeleteJuice fasting for 2 days though? Deal x
oh NO!! i am sad for you and your bagels and your razor blades (or whatever the implement of your choosing is) but IT WILL BE OKAY! IT WILL! i HATE to say this but it's probably a good thing that you can't throw up because you are dangerously unbalanced already (electrolyte-wise, not mentally!!) also remember that you can't eat any more food because sophie will notice and think you're weird. right? so no more bagels! no more bingeing!
ReplyDeletei will support your juice fast because i think it will make you happier! but drink lots of things with vitamins and milk too please!
you are just having another hiccup. do not worry! i know it seems like you JUST had a hiccup, so aren't they all just mashing together into one long fatty fat fat chain of hiccups? well, the answer is: hiccups come in groups, silly! you hiccup every 20 seconds for like 2 days at a time, and then no hiccups for weeks or months! am i not right? ok. so don't worry! think: big picture! think: i am Amanda and i am awesome and i am in control of what i am eating. (because all of that is true.) ok? i will even go ice skating with you, i promise, despite my supreme dislike of all things very voluntarily cold and hard and painful.
also, in response to your comment:
1. NO. you are NOT crazy. i am not sure in what way you were referring to particularly, but although i am not a psychologist i think i can say with some authority that you are not crazy!
2. cheap places to stay near me? UMMMMMMM, mon appartement?? le DUH?! i have MANY nesting materials and you are welcome to MOVE IN if you like. i would be happy to duct tape the refrigerator shut if you would feel more comfortable (i have done this before!). SO, that's settled. ok? we will have many picnics with beetroots and actual real-life carrots which are way yummier than their juicy counterparts.
hmm. j'ai faim. it is distracting. also because i just had breakfast. quite impertinent of the stomach, non?
YOU ARE LOVED WITH MUCH LOVAGE! DO NOT DESPAIR!!
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!
LOVE from fishes who are wishing they too were going to starbucks to learn croatian!!
ALSO please note and accept my HEARTFELT congratulations on reaching goal number two!!! SERIOUSLY well done!! the hiccup is no more than a hiccup! 112 is a VERY respectable weight for being 5'4". you are almost there! think of that and not of bagels!
ReplyDelete