Bumpy start... I laugh at my audacity

It all started when I went to get an innocent can of diet coke. That is all I went in for. It was at 12 midday. Somehow I came out with a carrot cake slice (again) a fat apple and a mini muesli roll... huh... my brain seems to have forgotten that THE SWITCH has taken place. Yet when the first mouthful went in, as I am eating from fear and not from hunger, I went into overdrive. 1 large LARGE jam shortbread, small chips, burger, baguette and mango juice later I burst out laughing. Yes not crying. Laughing. THE AUDACTIY of my body to try and FAIL me on the first day. NO no, no no. I will not have this. So I looked at my arms, I looked at my legs, both of which are rapidly expanding, and I told myself. You eat one more thing and I might have to kill you. And I am not even kidding really, because I cannot handle this going on anymore. And I laughed. How I wish my binges were like your 1500!!!

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But you know what? My cousin replied to me...

Hun, I know you have a problem with food and you never have to pretend with me or ask me permission about what you can and cannot do! You need to do what you need to do and I support you! I know you know what you're doing and that if you ever felt like you had to eat something because you felt faint, then you would. You're a bright girl cuz, you can get through this!! =)
xxxx

Erm... who sent me a second angel? Who? Is that not amazing?

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It is a FACT that when I have company, I am too self conscious to eat - like the Morocco and Zanzibar holiday where I lost 10lbs in a week on both occasions. So I know for a FACT that I am not eating today (anymore...), Sunday, Monday or Tuesday, and I am hoping that that is long enough to get me out of this circle and onto the next slope down to weightloss.

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I won't lie. I was tempted to write: Yes! Day one completed! But how honest would that be! Just please dont read this and think 'lame fatty you will never be thin'!! I WILL so be skinny. And I will SO not eat when my cousin is here.

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Ok. She gets here in 4 hours. I am safe, because I feel sick. Bought an 8 pack of diet coke. I am ready.

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P.s If I lack posting comments on your blogs over the next few days until Tuesday afternoon, I PROMISE ON TUESDAY EVENING TO FLY ON HERE AND READ EVERY SINGLE ONE, OK?

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Love you, you can so do this x

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17.00... 2 hours and counting down...

I just had a conversation in my head to stop me going and buying food...

Wait mum just called...

17.30

So yes. I was talking to myself out loud, convincing myself that I didn't need to go and eat more to say goodbye to food. Food didn't deserve another goodbye. I didn't need anymore baguettes. I succeeded. YES I may have drunk 2 cans of diet coke in the process, but the small war was won, I stopped the first binge of the new fast

BEST GO GET MY COUSIN.

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Things will work out for us all, you'll see.

Chins up.

The stars are shining but your tears are hiding them.

Chins up my dears.

Smile.

The stars are shining.

And we will fly among them soon x x x