I am SHATTERED. I have once again walked MILES and I failed. Well. I didn't want to. My cousin probably didn't realise that when I say fast, I mean DON'T eat a think. She got a bit uncomfortable today, asked me to eat. Fair enough, I was dizzy and slowing down. However what she bought me... a burger and a SHIT load of chips... Oh god. By then I was under her power and later consumed almost 2 baguettes. And an apple. I just wanted the apple. My attitude has changed. I don't want to binge anymore. I want to lose weight. I hope the mass walking of two days will be enough to keep the weight gain at bay... Oh poopsies.
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I had to book my doctor's appointment with Dr Flanagan from Paris today for the 6th in Durham. That is when I will next be weighed on official AWESOME accurate scales. And I am scared. I do NOT want to see anything over 48kg. But I do not know if I will make it below 52... Oh... There is always trying I guess. I am so tired...
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No food tomorrow. We are back on the wagon. If she insists on more food today, fruit and fruit juice. NO MORE CARBS. I hate them. NO FOOD TOMORROW, NO FOOD ON THURSDAY OR FRIDAY. I can do this. I will be thin.
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well done for doing so much walking! i am sure u wont of gained, and you will be no more than 48kg's by the time u are home!
ReplyDeletex
im fasting too. walking quite alot. and feeling rather dizzy aswell. thank you for your lovely post as it gives me motivation to keep going!
ReplyDeletealli really want is an apple, or a orange, or a carrot. but not until thursday.
like you my attitude has changed. i am out of the binge frame of mind. and NO CARBS!
stay strong love, you are doing fantastic
x
it's ok! sometimes you cant help it when other people are asking you to eat. and you are not thinking of bingeing! which in itself is an improvement! so STAY STRONG. ok? we will get there.
ReplyDeletei have 1,000 more things to say to you but not now and not here... i am trying desperately to sort out some suddenly-fractured pieces of my future life which is making me manic and panic at the same time, and how nice it works out that those two words rhyme in english! ANYWAY. your letter made me the Happiest Girl on Earth. you think i am kidding? i am NOT! happy happy happy happy happy! i will send you a return letter oh so very soon! but maybe after the panic has died down slightly or you will think i am aliéné!
i love you i love you i love you i love you you can do this. you are back in the fast now and most importantly, you are in the right frame of mind. that's what matters.
:D
LOVE happy singing little fishes who are reading their letter for the bazillionth time since arriving home with it 35 minutes ago !
it is all going to be alright. golly. i have typed this same message to so many people in these past few days. we're all suffering the same crisis at the same time. it's a pandemic.
ReplyDeletebut, well, while you're planning on being under 48kilograms (yayayayay for you, miss amazing) i will be counting my blessings if i remain beneath 54 kilos...
love you muchly, from the little fishes carelessly floating in the spring breeze (which, i must admit, is making me feel more than a little bit chilly)