A very old post... Reposted. A mini intro to a story of my Ed... from an old blogger account which I wanted to remember.

Not long after I turned 14 two girls started to appear in every hidden corner of my imagination. I was drawn to them like a magpie to diamonds. Their names were Margot and Lucy, and through the forest of my thoughts they ran daily, playing an eternal game of catch, ending always with the loser entrapped within the hollow trunk of a great Oak. There the disheartned child would remain (often, and unfortunately, this was Lucy) until she found the strength to break free - and the game would recommence. As I grew older the children stayed with me, until aged 19 (and fast approaching 20) the two grew tired of incessantly running and hiding, became lifeless porcelain figures, cracks slowly appearing amongst their rosy smiles. Intruders tried to take over the forest and shelve the fading dolls. Too scared to know where to turn, they turned instead on each other, attacking both themselves and the attackers of the woodland. The war of the children had begun and a visible end was not in sight.
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When the children took rest, they did so in seperate parts of my body. Lucy was housed within the chambers of my heart, whilst Margot planted herself and her temptation in each and every one of my senses. Usually at night the game stopped, and I slept. But sometimes the attacks were so fierce that they pierced through the nights sky, and so to any other being they were well hidden amongst a starry night. On these evenings sleep was not welcome in the forest, the quarreling children scared it away until they too wanted rest but could nolonger find it within themselves. Slowly, relentlessly, the sleep, stronger than before, crept, armed with dreams, hope, peace, across the wooded border of my mind, until my eyelids closed, and the dreams, sang lullabies to, calm the, young ones' spirits.
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As days past, such a routine rooted itself firmly into the earth, growing and twisting, until no discrepency could be found there. It would take a large gust to stir the leaves and uproot the poisened trees from the enchanted forest.

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RANDOM LATER BIT...

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Something has gone horribly wrong. Margot has escaped and Lucy is nowhere to be found. Toast. Icecream. Chocolate. Toast. Cereal. Sandwich. Toilet. This is what Margot does. This is what she always does. Hairband. Water. Fingers. Further just a little further, oh no no wait until you gag. This is dangerous. This could become as easy as eating. You smile and you laugh when the sicky chocolate tinges and taints the tastebuds of your mouth once more. Just a little more. Wash the fingers, try again. You can reach the toast. The toast needs to come out. Haha look what you can do, you are so proud. You smile and you cry with pain and with pleasure. Margot has got out, Margot's running about and she wont stop, until you pop, and the fatty insides come out.

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You have to get out. Something compels you to run. To the swings, to Newcastle, to London. That's right - drown yourself in the city like sweet Thérèse. Run from the shops, and the restaurants, and the icecream van, and the newsagents, and Marks and Spencer. Especially Mark and Spencer. Keep running, you can do it, you can find Lucy. She is still in the city. Hunt harder, faster, she's hiding from you because she is tired. She doesn't realise you need her. Look in the dark corners. You will find her innocent smile and delicate hands to help her up. Oh no. oh no oh no oh no oh no. Oh no. No no no no no. Not Mcdonals. There is nothing nourishing about strawberry milkshake made from icecream. 420 Kcalories. 420 Kcalories further away from the stripy Reiss jeans. You don't need it. You don't want it. Get away from the coun.... no no no stop talking. Oh shit. Fuck shit fuck. Why are you drinking the creamy concoction?

Yum. Oh I forgot how yum this was.

Shit fuck shit fuck stop stop stop STOP. It is ok really, you haven't eaten all day. What are you talking about? You are growing at the seams by the second!! Ok. Leave. Run far into the distance and find the swings. Get away from the food. What. WHAT are you doing? Another one... are you KIDDING me? 840. 840. 840. Oh my lord where is the stop button. I want to rewind.

But you want it-

Rewind! Stop stop stop. Oh god. Now you are going to cry. What a twat. What a fat fucking twat. All you had to do was walk past like you did every other store and 1lb thinner you would have been tomorrow. You would have smiled. You would have found Lucy. But no. Appears you are too stupid for that. You don't deserve to cry. You have no one to blame but yourself. It is always only your fault. I bloody hate Margot. Hairband. Water. Fingers. Hurry! 30 Minutes or all is lost. Blood. Tears. Temporary relief. Make a plan to refind Lucy and fall to sleep. Everything will be fine, you'll find her soon. She is never very far away.

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At the Feathers Margot cant find you. The bolted fences spring up from the ground and stop all access. You are safe now to walk and work and walk and work and walk and work. No thinking. You don't even want to eat! Yes!!! Yipeeee! No, that's right, you're NOT hungry!! Has 10 hours really gone already? Oh... Mum's car is here... Dash to the car, do not talk, run upstairs, go to sleep. No water. It is too dangerous to think about the kitchen. Oh no. A trampled snicker's wrapper is on the ground. Margot is making her move. Stop thinking. Stop thinking.

La la laaaaaaa la la laaaaaa la laaaaaa la la laaaa la laaaaaaaaa laaa laaa laaaa laaaaaaaa laaa la la

You can do it. You are not hungry, you say. Your stomach does not in any way desire to be filled. Well, maybe one digestive. How harmful is 80kcalories? That's nothing really. Only the same as an apple.

NO! Bed. bed. bed. RAISE THE ALARM!! Get into bed... No mummy I don't want to chat downstairs on the sofa, 3 steps from the kitchen where the biscuit tin is rattling it's contents at me. I can't hear you.

La la la laaaa la. La la la laaaaaaaa la

What am I doing tomorrow?

'He wants to die in a lake at Geneva' la la la laaaaaaaaaaaaa la

11.30. Witching hour. It is almost a fresh day. BUT YOU HAVE GOT SO FAR! You almost have Lucy! 30 minutes and the slate is wiped clean of all calorie calculations.

You can eat now-

NO YOU CANNNNNNNT.

Please help me find Lucy. Margot is making me sad.